southernthunder's Blog

... Not to make any New Year's resolutions.  It seems that when I do, it's almost a guarantee of failure.  So instead, this year I will make a "wish list" of sorts; those things that I hope transpire and that I intend to try to bring about.

While I don't intend on sharing my entire list here (it's kind of like a birthday wish... if you tell it, it never comes true), there are a few things that I don't mind putting here.

I wish that I could find additional time in my schedule for writing.

I wish that my son-in-law would find a job that would allow him to support his family and to feel like the man that I know he can be.

I wish that Pumpkin would load up Eight, Em and Scars and come see me for my birthday, or anytime for that matter. ; )

I wish that I could find the strength to continue on the path before me.

I wish that EP would install a BS meter beside every user's avatar to tell you when they're full of it (this is technically more of a dream.)

There's more, but you get the idea.  Go warm up the truck, Pumpkin.  I'll be at the Awful Waffle, as usual.

I'm normally not one inclined to excessive navel-gazing, but I guess the occasional bout of introspection is not necessarily a bad thing.  So excuse me while I take minute to pluck some fuzz from my bellybutton.

I've never been one to believe that life is a series of random occurrences, that we are just pushed around willy-nilly by unfeeling tides.  However, I also don't believe in predetermination; that all of our options and subsequent choices were laid out while we were only a twinkle in our father's eye.  Instead, I think that we are each placed on a path, though we often stray from it, that if followed, will lead us to fulfillment.  Towards this end, things occur from time-to-time to remind us of our direction, or to push us back in the correct direction.  I firmly believe that there are no coincidences.

Occasionally, one of these "non-coincidences" comes along and kicks me squarely in the gut, forcing me to catch my breath and reexamine where I am, and more importantly, where I'm headed.  If I'm lucky, the course-correction is obvious, but that is not always the case. 

Just recently, a new, but very good, friend asked "Why?"  I provided what I thought then, and still think now, was a compelling, honest answer, but that answer brought more questions for me; questions that were a kick to the gut.

People are in and along my path everyday, each on his or her own journey.  To most I give a friendly wave in passing or a kind word, some I stop and visit with, some I don't even notice.  Then there is that extremely rare person that makes me stop dead in my tracks.  For whatever reason (coincidence?) they are compelled to stop as well, and we stand there awkwardly oblivious to the traffic around us, both trying to understand why.

I'm a problem solver.  It's what I do.  I have hand tools as my avatar because I fix things.  So when this new friend asked "Why?" I did what I have done all my life and gave my best, honest answer.  But the reality is that that full answer has yet to play out, and that unknown scares me.  I have the answers, damnit!  Yeah, right.

Where does this part of the path lead me?  Why do I feel compelled to divulge things I've protected for decades?  Why, out of all the people along the path, did these two connect?  Why do I want this person to know me?  Why do I think that by revealing, I'm weakening myself?  What the hell do I do now?  Questions, questions, questions...

There.  Bellybutton clean.

For now.